The ALIA
Volume I. Issue VIII. Sept. 22, 2020.
Dear Readers,
Welcome to the eighth issue of The ALIA, a weekly newsletter dedicated to the lives of Asian women in America, and beyond, where we bring you the latest news and insightful conversations with industry professionals. In this volume, we feature women in fashion, media and arts. Subscribe for free here.
Letter from the editor:
Hello! It’s so good to see you again, and a warm welcome to our new subscribers. It’s a special issue this week as I speak with Christine Chen, a woman I’ve looked up to since seeing her work on Wong Fu Productions back in the early days when Youtube was getting just started.
Christine is one of the most humble and genuine people I have ever met, and this conversation was much more in-depth than I could’ve imagined. We talk about mental health, toxicity, craving approval and love from Asian parents, and so much more.
The topic of Asian representation comes into view as the Emmy Awards last Sunday saw more diversity than the previous five years but still lacked Asian nominees. I asked Christine if she thinks that will change. Read the full interview below for all the details.
I hope you enjoy!
Sincerely,
Annie Lin
Founder of The ALIA
If you could like to learn more about this project, please contact us at contact@alia.news
Asian Creatives
Clockwise from top left: @francislola, @sophiachang, @ellenvlora, @linhniller
Community News
Underrepresented • The 72nd Emmy Awards was hosted virtually over the weekend. Asian Americans accounted for only 1% of Emmy nominations this year, according to NBC News. Experts say Asian American led shows are seen as niche or even foreign as they are overlooked for nominations. Read: NBC News
Fashion statement • Sandra Oh’s outfit for this year’s Emmys holds more meaning than meets the eye. The custom KORELIMITED bomber jacket by LA-based designer Matthew Kim is embroidered with symbols honoring Black culture and Korean heritage. “It says ‘Black Lives Are Precious’ in Korean writing, because the literal translation of Black Lives Matter is impossible in Korean,” Oh said. Read: Vogue UK
IYKYK • Last Thursday, the U.S. House of Representatives passed a resolution condemning anti-Asian sentiment and the use of anti-Asian terminology related to COVID-19. While the resolution doesn’t name individuals, Democrats called out the White House during the debate for using the terms “Chinese virus” and “Kung-flu.” Read: CNN Politics
Asian influence • As election day inches nearer, a study by Pew Research Center found that “Asian Americans are the fastest-growing segment of eligible voters out of the major racial and ethnic groups in the United States.” Out of the 18.2 million Asian Americans, around six in 10 are eligible to vote. Read: Pew Research Center
In Conversation with Christine Chen
This week, we’re joined by Christine Chen, 36, life coach, podcast host and formerly a producer for the notable Asian American Youtube channel Wong Fu Productions. She opens up about coping with depression, her journey of self-discovery and finding purpose through life coaching.
This interview has been edited for clarity and conciseness.
You have achieved so much since leaving Wong Fu in 2016. How did you decide to become a life coach?
Wow, it’s already been four years! In the first two years, I felt really lost and realized I had not prioritized my mental or physical health while working at Wong Fu. I was faced with the reality and consequences of that. I fell into a deep depression. It made sense because I pushed down things I didn’t want to confront. It made me feel hazy, and I lost any sense of purpose or drive. It took a lot of self-reflection and self-grown to get myself back on my feet.
Since then, I have worked with my friend Mimi Chao for her amazing studio, Mimochai, where she creates inspirational artwork for people. At the time, I wanted to help other people achieve their dreams. However, I realized I never gave myself a chance to pursue mine. Through talking to people in LA, you find people often have a therapist and a life coach. I had never heard of life coaches then. After speaking to a few, while looking for one myself, I became interested in what that would look like in my life.
At the core, I loved having honest conversations and genuine connections with people. I wanted to learn how to be a better listener. I decided to enroll in a life coaching program to build on a skill that interested me. I had three life coaches myself to resolve trauma, set goals and objectives. Alleviating that haziness, getting clarity and moving forward with purpose and excitement helped me discover how powerful my voice is. I wanted to help people feel the way I did.
I started my own life coaching business, and it’s been scary every step of the way, but I do it anyway. I don’t have all the answers, but I believe in myself to find the courage within. I have also started a podcast, called Perfectly Imperfect, three years ago with my good friend Regina Fang. It’s Asian women talking about real-life situations, frustrations, dreams and things we’ve learned through self-growth. Last year, I started my life coaching podcast called xoxo christine.
What made you decide that you needed to leave Wong Fu?
I left Wong Fu because it was time to close that chapter. I realized the goals and stories I wanted to tell no longer resonated or aligned with theirs. When I joined Wong Fu, I was innocent and wide-eyed. I was like, oh, my God, Asian American stories! Yes! Throughout my time there, I realized I wanted to speak to Asian American women, have deeper discussions about mental health, truth and discovery. I loved having one on one conversations with fans, but I could never do that because I was always doing a million things at events.
It got to a point where I outgrew the old Christine. I tried to fight it. But I was pushing what I wanted onto the team. Now, looking back at it, I just didn’t know what it was I wanted to do at the time. I was scared to take a chance on myself. I was ready to leave two years before I actually left. I knew my time at Wong Fu was coming to an end when we were shooting Everything Before Us.
If I’m going to spill the tea, it was that I became a toxic person between 2014 to 2016. I mentally couldn’t take it anymore, and I was becoming a person I wasn’t proud of. I had always put the company first, and it wasn't easy choosing myself. The guys wanted to continue making movies, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. Compared to three day shoots for a five minute short, we were shooting back to back for 20 days for a movie that comes with over 60 crew members every day. It was too much.
I started seeing our goals clashing and affecting my relationship with the guys. There was a lot of fighting, arguments and misunderstanding. There’s a reason why there’s a professional boundary at work. When you cross into what we called Wong Fu family, things get blurred. All of us were stressed, overworked, overachieving Asians. It got to a point where I was trying to establish a team, and there was resistance because they didn’t see the need for more members. Being a Youtube channel with a constant stream of income to support and sustain employees is an entirely different path we had to pave.
I wanted to form a team for Wong Fu because I didn’t want them to lose their momentum. For the longest time, it was just Phil, Wes, Ted and I. The team members you see now, what I call Team B, wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was finding the right people and sharing the responsibilities. Being Asian, you’re always so self-reliant. It took a bit longer to form departments in the company.
I feel most proud of bringing the community aspect into Wong Fu, considering that these aren’t 3 million random fans. It’s a community people looking for a sense of belonging and seeing their story being told in some way, shape or form. I still see Wong Fu trying to connect with the community on a deeper level.
Did you realize the impacts of becoming a public figure in the Youtube community?
I didn’t grow up with Youtube, and I didn’t understand Youtube's impact at the time. It was just [Phil, Wes and Ted] hanging out and making videos. They would be like, we’re going to film a Wong Fu Weekend, and we’re playing a game, do you want to be a part of it? I was like sure! I did not stop to think about my online persona or what the fans would think.
I was shocked when I started getting negative comments about how ugly I looked or how stupid I was. There was a lot of backlash that shocked me about the online community. That touched an insecurity of mine. Growing up, you would only see celebrities talking about their private and public life. When Instagram came about, I didn’t think what having a public Instagram would mean. Once you open that door, it’s hard to pick and choose what you want to share. People will dig, ask and point out inconsistencies. What you share is what you want people to see, but it’s not the 100% truth.
Working in media and entertainment gave me an insight into people who kept an online persona. For me, I began to realize it was about ego, vanity and bragging rights. As I confronted my insecurity and aligned my priorities, it became clear that’s not who I wanted to be. Vulnerability and honesty have always been values of mine. The more I leaned into that, the more I stopped caring what people think. If someone says something mean about me, it doesn’t take away from my self-worth and who I am. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t trigger me. It means that I have better tools to cope with my inner critic and fears that keep me from fully living in my truth.
Asian Americans still lack representation in media and entertainment. Do you think that will change?
I feel like we’re always going to feel like there’s not enough Asians on screens. I will watch a commercial and still be excited to see an Asian person on screen. We can’t force Hollywood to suddenly see Asian writers worthy of writing Asian stories and have Asian representation – that’s not going to happen for a while. If Black people are still fighting for representation, we Asians have a long way to go. As we have more Asians pursuing a quote, unquote unconventional path and taking that leap of faith, more voices will be heard. I hope the change we will see is stories representing the complexities of us as human beings rather than our stereotypes.
I feel like being Asian is a shared experience of wanting to be heard and feeling misunderstood. Especially with Asian women, I think there is a competitiveness that I would love to see change. We should stop comparing ourselves to one another and tearing ourselves down. We should be finding ways to step outside of our elements to help each other.
Growing up as an Asian American, did you feel pressured to meet certain expectations?
My parents immigrated from Taiwan, and I grew up in a very traditional Asian household. There were a lot of expectations for me as the firstborn child. I have a younger brother. My mom was totally a tiger mom. I had a conversation with her earlier this year, and she reflected on how she was so hard on me growing up. She realized it was for the reputation and so she could brag to her mother in law. My grandmother is 98, and to be honest, she is just as overbearing as ever. My mom had the pressure of being judged as an Asian woman. Her role as a mother and a wife meant that she needed to prove her worth.
As a kid, I didn’t understand that. I felt like their love was dependent on my performance, and I had to earn their love. I did everything they wanted, but I realized right around middle school that it was never going to be enough. I got straight As, I was first chair violin, but they weren’t showing up at my recitals. They were still yelling at me to do better and comparing me to other Asian kids. That coincided with my rebellious teen years.
During high school, it felt pointless because nothing I did felt enough. I went on a binge of ditching class, taking drugs, going raving and then failed high school. I did everything against them because everything I did before that which I thought would win their love and approval didn’t. When I had to go to a different high school, something clicked. It made me realize I have to take responsibility for my own life. Whatever choices I made going forward was for me and because I wanted to do it.
I went to college at California State University Long Beach, and my parents were relieved because it was better than nothing. I was a business major, although they always wanted me to study medicine. I started taking unpaid internships, which they disagreed with, but they didn’t push me because they were afraid it would result in me quitting everything. I felt like an outsider because all my friends growing up in Arcadia, California, were Asian Americans following a traditional path. From college to now, it’s been a journey of self-discovery.
My parents had to go through their journey. Thank God for my brother. When you have siblings in an Asian household, at least there’s another child who has done what was right. He’s responsible, financially stable and successful. I’ve always been an artist at heart and just seeing where things take me. Now I’m trying to brace each day as it comes with a plan while not feeling like I’m confining myself.
I was naive in putting others before me to get their validation and love, but now I understand that’s not sustainable. In the process of doing that, I was stepping on myself and not giving myself what I was giving to other people. If I give myself love, compassion and respect, I could give it freely to others and not have an expectation for it to be given back.
Are your parents supportive of what you are doing now?
They have been supportive of me since Wong Fu. My parents still don’t understand what life coaching is, but they know I’m helping people and I’m financially stable. At the end of the day, Asian parents don’t express their love in the way we expect and desire. Their love languages are different. We tend to misinterpret their disapproval as in we need to do more. Our parents just want to make sure that we can take care of ourselves once they're gone and that we have a support team around us.
They might communicate that as you should be a doctor. In actuality, a doctor to them is a profession that will guarantee respect, financial stability and qualities a partner will find desirable. That is what they were brought up believing. They didn’t consider what those values mean to each person. We have the privilege to dig deeper and ask ourselves those questions.
What advice do you have for people who want to start their own business or pursue a creative path, but their parents aren’t supportive?
If you have an inkling or even a daydream, I think that’s a sign right there because not everyone has that. I think we take it for granted that everyone wants to start their own business, that’s not the case. Give yourself credit for the desire or curiosity to start a business. There are so many resources online, and people who are willing to share how they started. I would tell my younger self to search for a mentor. Find someone you admire and reach out to them. You never know. The first step is believing you want that life, then following through with it. If you can’t get past the fear of failure or being paralyzed by perfection, talking to a therapist or life coach can help you, versus doing it by yourself. Which you absolutely can, but it would take longer.
If your parents are unsupportive, accept that you’re not going to change their minds. No matter how much you convince them, they won’t want to hear it. If you believe you have a chance in an unconventional industry that they don’t see, take a chance on yourself, do it and prove it to them. They will have the same doubts as you about pursuing a different path, and it will influence your energy and drive. Even if you don't succeed the first time, you walk away with a set of skills and knowing yourself better. These are the evidence I like to call cookie crumb moments that will add to who you are as a person and your purpose. Be open and curious; believe that the right things will come at the right time.
How have you been able to find a sense of direction during the pandemic?
Since quarantine, I feel like I have been thriving. Maybe it’s the introvert in me that likes not having to get ready for events or go out. My life coaching business is online. I record my podcast from home. I enjoy being at home. I feel like this pandemic is forcing us to confront everything we’ve been going through. It brings about a sense of hopelessness. At the same time, you can take a look at where the hopelessness comes from. Those are things that come to the surface when people start questioning their careers and relationships.
It can feel overwhelming but ground yourself in what matters. Remind yourself of the things you can control despite the chaos. In times like this, our priorities are revealed, making us think about the significance and purpose of life. You have to be self-aware to shift from the unconscious to the conscious. This period of self-reflection sometimes takes a bit longer, but it’s all for a purpose.
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Weekly Thoughts
Last week: What is an obstacle you have overcome in life?
Your responses:
“This year presented many challenges to me personally, but I think more importantly presented challenges to our country and our world. The United States lost 200,000 people to COVID-19 related fatalities, and unfortunately, that toll is still rising. It’s hard to imagine 200,000 families grieving, 200,000 families that will be missing someone this holiday season. When I go to the grocery store and see people wearing masks, it gives me a little hope, knowing that individual actions can help stem this deadly tide. Godspeed to the doctors, scientists and essential workers that are doing everything they can to help our communities through this time.” – Nicole Girten, Miami, Florida
This week’s: What is your favorite Asian cultural celebration and why?
#ALIAtalks and tag us @alia.news to join the conversation and we will feature the best submissions in next week’s newsletter. For email submissions, please email contact@alia.news
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